You know the feeling. You’ve become part of a group of friends who get together regularly, and there are plans in the works for dinner, drinks, a day trip, etc. It sounds good at the time but, as the day approaches, you decide to bail at the last minute. And, it’s not the first time you’ve done that. After a while, the invitations stop coming and the connection with these friends slowly ends.
There are many understandable reasons to cancel a date with a friend or group of friends, but we need to look at ourselves to understand what is going on. The article, If you’re wondering why you’ve lost friends in adulthood, this is probably why, gets to the heart of what causes us to lose friends. Essentially, it comes down to whether or not we want to show up — both literally and figuratively.
We each need to decide if a potential friendship matters to us, and if we are willing to put effort into it. If it doesn’t matter, we tend to decline invitations to part of the shared experiences and conversations that are needed to grow and sustain the relationship. And, hey, there’s nothing wrong with that; not every person is a good fit for us, nor we for them.
The author hits the nail on the head when she writes “When it comes to friends, it’s the relationships we’re invested in that count — not the relations we could invest in if we ever made time for them.”
Take some time with this quick, but insightful, read. And then, look in the mirror to learn more.